The amateur thinks listening is a defensive game, a quiet moment to catch their breath before they speak again.

They're playing the wrong sport. Listening isn't passive; it's a precision strike.

It’s the tool you use to dismantle objections, forge unbreakable trust, and bend the room to your will. This isn't just social skill; it's social dominance in its quietest, most lethal form.

The biggest mistake you’re making is confusing hearing with listening. Hearing is the biological process of sound waves hitting your eardrums.

Listening is the intellectual and emotional process of decoding meaning.

Most men spend conversations waiting for a pause where they can jump in to solve, impress, or correct. This is ego, not strategy. It signals to everyone that your agenda is more important than their reality.

This mistake costs you. It costs you deals, it costs you promotions, and it costs you second dates.

I remember a client, Jim, back in my early matchmaking days. He kept asking about the “process” and how it all worked. On the surface, it was a logistical question. I told him to relax and enjoy meeting new people.

But that wasn’t what he was really asking. He wasn't asking for a timeline; he was asking for permission not to fail. He needed reassurance, not a rundown of the steps.

By just hearing his words, I missed the real issue and failed to build the trust he needed.

Every conversation has a hidden current running beneath the surface. This is the unstated need.

People rarely say what they actually want. They talk around it, hoping you’re smart enough to pick up on the subtext.

A client complaining about a project’s timeline isn't just talking about deadlines. He's likely communicating a fear of looking incompetent to his own boss. He needs to feel secure.

A date telling you about her horrible day at work isn't asking you to fix her company's management structure. She’s testing to see if you can provide emotional safety and understanding. She needs to feel seen.

Your boss asking for a detailed progress report on a project that’s already on track isn’t questioning your work. He’s likely seeking reassurance to manage pressure from his own superiors. He needs to feel in control.

Stop responding to the words. Start responding to the need.

When you identify the unspoken concern, you demonstrate a level of social and emotional intelligence that is rare and magnetic. This is what makes people feel truly heard.

It’s a form of validation that builds immediate and deep rapport. But identifying the need is only half the battle.

Your response must address the subtext without calling it out explicitly.

For the client worried about the timeline, don’t say, “The timeline is fine.” Say, “I’ve got this completely under control. I’ll send you a brief update at the end of each day this week so you can keep your boss in the loop with zero stress.”

You just addressed his need for security and made him look good. You didn't just solve a problem; you created an ally.

For the date who had a bad day, don’t say, “You should quit.” Say, “That sounds incredibly frustrating. Tell me more about what happened.”

You just offered a safe space for her to process her emotions. You became a source of comfort, not another source of stress.

For the next seven days, approach every significant conversation with a single goal. Your mission is not to respond, solve, or debate. It is to diagnose the subtext.

Before you say a word, ask yourself: What is the unstated need behind what this person is saying? Are they seeking validation, security, control, or just to be understood?

Identify that core need. Then, craft your response to speak directly to that need. Watch what happens to your influence.

This isn't a trick. It's a fundamental shift in communication that separates amateurs from professionals in business, dating, and life. It is the foundation of genuine influence.

Let everyone else chase the spotlight, desperate to be the loudest voice. Your advantage is in the shadows, in the pause, in the intentional silence that makes others reveal everything.

Listening isn't a weakness; it's the ultimate power play. Master it, and you’ll control the outcome before they even know the game has begun.😉

Stay Magnetic (and have a fantastic week!),

~ Angela Seitz